


Part 1: Enough

by rissaleigh49



Series: Fatherhood [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3923014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rissaleigh49/pseuds/rissaleigh49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't prepared for this, not at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part 1: Enough

He thought after he found her, after they helped Merlin defeat the darkness and they were back and together and _happy_ that everything would be fine. She moved out of her parents loft, he joined her, Regina and Robin got married (he’d asked her, sort of, and she said she didn’t really feel like she was the marrying type, why change the good thing they had, and he knew she was afraid, so he didn’t push it), and things seemed quiet and normal and as they should be.

So when he brought up having a child of their own (he knew in this realm you didn’t have to be married for that and it wouldn’t be frowned upon; Henry was perfect example of that), he was unprepared for the backlash.

She said she already had a child. He said he wanted one of his own. She asked if Henry wasn’t good enough (she meant was _she_ not good enough). He said yes, of course he loved Henry, as much as if he was his own son, but he’d never had a family, never thought he could have a family. When he was in the Navy he was too focused on being an honorable man and was too young to even entertain the notion of a wife and child, and then with Milah he was content to his pirate life and was content to spend that life with the woman he loved and he didn’t _need_ anymore, and then his life was working for Pan and seeking revenge and darkness, so much darkness…

And he just wants her to understand that now that he has the possibility to have these things (a home, a family, a life, a happy ending) he wants it all.

The first night is the fight – the yelling and the throwing things (he slams a water glass on the bedside table so hard it shatters, she picks his hook off the dresser and throws it at him and he doesn’t want to walk away but she’s pushing him and then slams the door in his face and she locks it and won’t open it no matter how much he yells and bangs on the door and thank God Henry is at Regina’s tonight.

She locked him out of _their_ house and it stings so he takes his flask and drinks himself to sleep in his cabin on the Jolly Roger)

The second night is the slient treatment (he picks up Henry from school like normal, but it’s not normal, because he’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday and they have to use Henry’s key because he was locked out without his last night and Henry – sweet, sweet Henry, who he loves with all his being and who would be an amazing brother and Killian’s heart aches at Emma’s accusation – Henry _knows._ He knows somethings up and it kills him because he doesn’t want Henry to worry.

Yet when Emma comes home she’s short with him, giving him only one word answers and not meeting his eyes, and there’s no playful banter or flirting tonight. Dinner is quiet and Henry’s brow is furrowed in worry and his heart breaks just a little bit more. Once Henry goes to bed she just ignores him, as if he isn’t even there with her and she showers and goes to bed before he’s even finished the dishes.

He ends up sleeping on the couch that night. Its fitful, but he doesn’t want to go for the rum.)

The third night is the crying (Henry is back at Regina’s and Killian can’t handle the silence so he goes for a walk on the docks and the tears just come no matter how hard he tries to keep them from coming.

(He doesn’t think he’s cried like this since Emma told she loved him and then became the dark one)

And when he returns home the door is unlocked (much to his surprise) but when he walks in the house isn’t quiet. He can hear her crying, _sobbing_ , in their bedroom and it cuts right to his core and his heart is broken because _he_ did this to her, and he never meant for this to happen like this. He wanted them to be happy, to have a big family and it’s only ever been her.

So he goes to her, finds her curled around his pillow on his side of the bed, dressed in one of his button down shirts and she’s shaking and her sobs are so loud that his tears are back and he can’t hold them in again.)

The third night is the night they talk.

Killian walks around to the bed, kneeling in front of her but her eyes are squeezed shut and he places his hand on her arm. “Love?” he forces out, not trusting his voice as the tears run down his cheeks.

“I-I just…” she chokes out, hiccupping. He moves his hand to rub her back and she opens his eyes to him, startling green meeting striking blue. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, reaching for him, running her fingers through his scruff.

“No Swan, I never wanted to hurt you. You and Henry – you’re more than enough – I never want you to feel like you aren’t,” he says, grasping her fingers and kissing them. She nods, eyes still tear filled and chest heaving, so he stands, ridding himself of hook and jacket and jeans and shirt, and crawls into bed with her, Emma practically on top of him, running his finger through his chest hair and he kisses her head.

“I know that you love us Killian. I think-“she pauses, her hand stilling, and looks up at him. “I’ve never done the new mom thing, and I still remember all those things Regina gave me when we went to New York of Henry as a baby. But I’ve never actually done it, and I don’t know if I could do it.

“I don’t like change Killian, because things are good now, but what if they aren’t good after?”

“But what if they are?” he challenges. “Or what if they’re better?”

She sighs, looks down again. “It doesn’t really matter at this point,” she says softly.

“What do you mean love?”

“I’m already pregnant,”

And he can’t help the grin that breaks out on his face, until he remembers the state he found her in, and he gently pushes her away so he can look in her eyes. “Emma, is that why you were so upset?” he asks, because he can’t want this if she doesn’t, but he can’t imagine them giving up this child, especially all that’s happened with Henry.

She shakes her head, and his shoulders deflate in relief. “No, I just… I was all alone again, but this time it was my own fault. You weren’t here,” she sees his face fall and she interrupts him before he can even begin to apologize. “And it was because I’d been pushing you away, and I realized _I missed you_ and I want this, I want this with you,” she takes his hand and places it on her stomach. “I just needed it to happen for me to see that. And I was so afraid I’d pushed you too far-“

He cuts her off by kissing her, moving to lie her on her back as he hovers over her on his forearms. “You. Can. Never. Push. Me. Away.” He says, kissing all over her face between each word. “I’m not going anywhere Swan. Ever,”

And all of a sudden she’s smiling and pulling him down into a kiss that sets his blood on fire, and then his shirt she’s wearing is on the floor and their underwear is thrown somewhere and she’s digging her nails into his shoulders and he’s kissing into her neck and then he’s sliding into her and it feels like coming home.

And then they move against each other like they’re meant for each other and they’re perfect, and the only thing he can say to her is _I love you, god Swan I love you so much_ over and over again.

And when they peak together, fall off the edge together, Emma is crying, but she’s also smiling and telling him she loves him too and they’re okay again, at least for the night.

(And when they go to the ultrasound and Emma looks _terrified_ he holds her hand and she relaxes and he realizes they might be okay for a little longer).


End file.
